International Association of Coaching Blog

Tools for Coaching Mastery

This column is provided by an IAC Coaching Masteries^®-Licensed School or Mentor.

Meet "C.W.": The Curious Witness Who Makes It Easier for You to Coach and to Approach Challenges
by Doris Helge, MCC (IAC)

Allow me to introduce you to a part of yourself that is perfectly prepared to connect you with a deep sense of inner peace, even when you're unsure about which way to go while you're coaching or confronting a challenge.

C.W. is your “Curious Witness.” C.W. is one of the most effective and effortless tools you’ll ever discover for transforming discomfort into personal power and joy. It is an expansion of IAC Mastery #4—Processing in the Present.

C.W. already lives inside of you. Notice that you're analyzing the idea of a C.W. while you read this article. You've just proven that part of you is already playing the role of a neutral witness. This component of yourself is, and always has been, a friendly part of your core self.

When you discover how to use C.W., you develop profound trust in yourself and in the process of life. You avoid emotional roller coasters, self-judgment and judgment of your experiences.

With C.W., you become so curious about watching the movie of your life that you can’t wait to see how each scene turns out. You accept life on its own terms, so you’re filled with inner peace. You trust that your movie (your life) will continue to be interesting, so you have no desire or demand that it turn out a certain way. Since you have no attachment to a certain outcome, you witness your life in an impartial manner.

When you discover how to work with C.W. you observe yourself having unpleasant feelings or experiences. You don’t avoid or deny your emotions because what we resist persists. However, your emotions don’t become a primary identity. You acknowledge negative emotions and experience them as sensations in your body. You still gain the benefits of emotions, including new insights, but you're very clear that you are not the anger, fear or sadness that you observe yourself experiencing.

Because C.W. is a neutral, factual observer detached from emotional angst, negative feelings flow through very quickly. There's no resistance. You easily detect misperceptions so they gently fade away. When you work with C.W., you're blessed with an impartial umpire 24/7.

This means that you effortlessly avoid the temptation to judge your experiences as bad, unfortunate or unnecessary. Fears of the unknown are overwhelmed by excitement concerning your next steps. Your energy is fully available to you. With the curiosity and enthusiasm of a toddler exploring a colorful new playground, you ask yourself, “I wonder what’s next?”

C.W. also calms your inner critic because you simply observe mental chatter. Instead of believing in—empowering—your critic’s negative messages, the deeper, all-knowing part of you takes over.

A wonderful and spontaneous transition occurs when C.W. consistently serves as your personal assistant. One day, you notice that you have substituted curiosity and the joy of learning for expectations that cause pain when they don’t come to fruition.

Because C.W. helps you experience life in the moment, you link with one of your best resources—your intuition. You steadily prove to yourself that you always have dependable inner guidance when you're coaching. Since happiness is a side effect of living fully in each moment and following your internal clues, you notice yourself smiling more often.

This one simple technique—employing a personal witness—can help you let go of struggle and judgment and enjoy peace of mind as a new familiar zone. Start now to connect with the deep state of inner peace that is always available to you. Your clients will also gain clarity faster and easier when you use this expansion of IAC Mastery #4.

  

 

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC (IAC) is the founder of the IAC-licensed training school, Confident Coach Connection. She also created the New Coach Virtual Chapter of IAC and will be presenting an IAC webinar in May 2012. Download free chapters from Doris' Amazon.com #1 bestselling books at http://FreeJoyEbooks.com.

 

 

To register for the IAC webinar, please visit:
https://www4.gotomeeting.com/register/171140519

Tools for Coaching Mastery

This column is provided by an IAC Coaching Masteries^®-Licensed School or Mentor.

New Answers to an Age Old Question
by Deborah Williamson

"So, what do you do?"

Often this is the first question we hear when meeting a new person.

Snap judgments are made based on answers to this question. But truly, we are not our jobs, and to tie self-worth and self-image to a job title is both limiting and lonely. When we begin to associate solely with our job titles, losing track of our bigger purpose and contributions, it's easy to feel unhappy, both on the job and in social situations.

How does this apply in coaching?

You may notice that your clients shy away from this question entirely or manipulate the answer for a more impressive reaction. An example, "I am CEO of a large hospitality business and have hundreds of people under me. We have hundreds of locations around the world." At first listen, this does sound impressive, and we form an impression that is largely colored by our past beliefs around what it means to head up a large, international company. But do we really know anything about this person from this information? And have they really answered the question, "What do you do?"

I don't think so. Let me explain:

I have a very talented and well-known friend Josif, who answers the "What do you do?" question quite unexpectedly. I've been with him on multiple occasions and watched him interact with new people and his response has directly impacted how I coach my clients. The interaction generally goes something like this:

New Person: "So, what do you do?"

Josif: "I give people new confidence and find their inner and outer beauty."

New Person: "Wow. So, what is your job?"

Josif: "I listen to my clients and inspire them to be creative and passionate with everything they do."

New Person: "Yes, but what do you do for work?"

Josif: I support people's biggest dreams by teaching them to believe in themselves all over again."

New Person: "Okay, but what is your job title?"

Josif: "I am a hair designer, educator, inventor and yoga teacher."

Josif always responds first with how he changes the lives of the people around him. While his job titles (hair designer, inventor, educator, yoga teacher) may change over time, what Josif does and who Josif IS will not change. He has tapped into his unique way to contribute to the world. Wherever he goes and whatever he does, he will listen to people and inspire them in their own creativity, confidence and passion. He will help them to create the reality that they want to see.

This is especially useful if you are coaching a client who hates their job. Often they hate the job because they believe that what they do doesn't matter. To help my clients find their underlying contribution and greater vision, I ask them this two-part question:

(1) How do you contribute to the lives of people around you?

For example: I teach people that they can learn new skills and do anything they set out to do. I help them see resources and opportunities they might not have seen before, that will make their lives brighter and better.

(2) What is your current vehicle for doing this?

For example: I am a career counselor.

I recently had participants at a certification training use this exercise to introduce themselves to the group. I was amazed (and so were they) at how this simple shift in focus affected their perspectives and self-worth. The biggest collective realization was that "the vehicle" or "the job" may change many times over the years, but the underlying passion and contribution will remain once it's been identified.

This is where the Coaching Masteries® (engaged listening, perceiving, affirming, expanding, etc.) really come into play, as you help clients see the very big impact they already have on the people around them. Everyone makes a difference in some way; from stay-at-home moms to high-ranking CEOs. Helping clients to see this can dramatically shift their relationships and careers. Job haters might find new joy in their old job, regardless of whether or not they eventually transition to another.

We are not our jobs. We are social beings who derive health and joy from interacting with and helping others. To name how we do what we do is invaluable. And it will be for your clients too!

 

Yoga Life Coach™ and Master Teacher Deborah Williamson travels the world to teach, speak and coach with humor and deep humanity. Debbie's signature brand of Yoga Life Coaching™ evolved from over 20 years of coaching and wellness industry experience. Visit www.deborahwilliamson.com for upcoming Yoga Life Coach™ Certification Programs and more.

Tools for Coaching Mastery

This column is provided by an IAC Coaching Masteries^®-Licensed School or Mentor.

The Question Compass
by Aileen Gibb, MCC (IAC)

Where do your questions come from when you are coaching? Where do your questions take your client?

We know that masterful questions are the touchstone for great coaching. There are questions that your client won’t ask, can’t ask or resists asking for himself. There are questions that open up new awareness, questions that uncover ideas that otherwise stay in the background, questions that strengthen your client’s resolve and questions that take your client to an edge of learning and action that she would not otherwise have reached.

In the journey of the coaching conversation, you as coach act as the compass for your client. Your own inner compass is constantly orientating the conversation, informing what question to ask next. Like a real compass, a great coaching question doesn’t tell you when you will reach your destination, or what it will be like when you get there. It simply provides an orientation of where you are in the conversation and where you are headed next.

The first orientation of the Question Compass is whether your questions are taking your client forward or backwards. The majority of coaching questions are future-focussed. Your question creates forward momentum and takes your client to her next thought, insight or action step. It propels your client to a point he had not reached before, to a viewpoint he had not seen before or to a pathway she hasn’t walked before. The question compass always wants to orient your client to look forward, rather than be stuck in the past.

The second orientation of the Question Compass is whether your question is about content or process. Your inner compass as a coach needs to be very clear on this distinction. A content question takes you into the client’s story, wanting to know or understand more. A process question moves your client’s story forward and enables you to remain neutral as an unbiased and trusting guide for your client’s journey.

These two orientations provide us with the four main cardinal points of our Question Compass: future—past—process—content. We might call these the North, South, East and West of coaching. When you can see and recognise these four points, you can get an orientation for the coaching conversation and become masterly with your questions.

Like a true compass, you can then add in further points by which to navigate the coaching conversation, giving more subtle distinctions to your question that inspire a shift for your client.

The ancient wisdom of the medicine wheel adds a layer that orients your client to what he is Feeling, Thinking, Doing or Creating. Once you discern that your client is oriented to a particular viewpoint (by listening closely to your client’s language, patterns and behaviour), you can structure your coaching question to enable your client to look at her goal from another perspective.

If you hear your client saying "I think," you can ask a question which helps him explore the feelings he may not be paying attention to.

If you hear your client expressing a lot of emotion, e.g., "I feel…" "I hate that..." or "I love to..." a question that grounds her in action can be really productive.

If your client is a busy "do-er" and always on the go, a question from the thinking point of the compass can enable her to stop and reflect on what’s really important.

And your highly creative client with all the big ideas and desire to change the world will be grateful for a question that invites him to move his ideas into specific actions and do something to make it happen.

Once you have oriented yourself to your client’s main compass points i.e., the perspective he or she usually takes, you can bring in questions from all the other points of the compass to enable a full exploration of the possible directions available for your client to choose a way forward.

The Question Compass is a great way of paying attention to your own orientation as a coach. If your own pattern is to get emotionally involved in the conversation, you can expand your mastery by using more thinking or action-based questions. If your natural disposition is to worry about small details, you can expand your own horizons, as well as those of your client, by asking more creative and expansive questions.

In this way the Question Compass serves as a tool to fuel your own growth as well as a force for change in your clients.

Using the Question Compass will enrich your awareness of where each of your questions comes from and will strengthen the power of your questions to take your clients to landscapes they haven’t travelled before.

 

Aileen Gibb, MCC (IAC), www.inspiredfuture.org, connects people to their inspired future by using pure coaching in life and leadership. As Faculty Lead at the Dream Organisation, she is the world’s first Licensed Practitioner of The Archegyre, a powerful new diagnostic tool that makes sense of what drives human endeavor and success.

Tools for Coaching Mastery

This column is provided by an IAC Coaching Masteries^®-Licensed School or Mentor.

How Can Your Clients' Dreams Help You Coach Them?
by Doris Helge, IAC-CC

Mastery #4, "Processing in the Present" includes helping clients use the power of their intuition. How many times have your clients made comments like, "I had a strange dream last night. I can't let go of it. I know it was important but I don't know what it meant."

Our dreams are an ongoing, essential source of guidance and wisdom. They provide crystal-clear clues about our best next steps in life—when we know how to interpret them. Our dreams also help us resolve the inner conflicts that cause us to unconsciously project our negative thoughts, intentions and other shadow material onto other people.

When we discover the connection between the symbols, pictures and messages in our dreams and our waking lives, we gain the self-awareness required to resolve many diverse inner and outer challenges. The key is to perceive parallels between our waking life and the endless dreamy images that float through our slumbering consciousness.

How do we help clients makes sense of sleepy symbols?

I doubt you will want to suggest to a client that they dive into a "dream dictionary" to discover the wisdom contained in their dreams. Why? Each client is unique. Dream interpretation is an intensely personal, intuitive experience. The visions your clients explore while they sleep are not designed by a committee. In the dream world, your client is a solo artist, flawlessly crafting a tapestry that is custom-designed for a specific purpose, with impeccable timing. Your client's unconscious intentions are often vastly different than the author of a dream dictionary.

It is important for a coach to avoid polluting a client's dream landscape with the coach's interpretations. Your client will interpret many symbols differently than you do, even the most common dream images like running away from something or being chased.

Avoid judging a dream as good or bad. All dreams are potentially helpful, as our brains are hardwired to provide this spontaneous service that helps us process information.

Dream Interpretation 101

Before helping clients gain wisdom from their dreams, practice interpreting your own dreams. This dream interpretation guide will help you get started.

Note that it's common to forget over half of the content of a dream within the first few minutes of waking. Most people dream 3-20 times a night and remember only a few of their dreams. After 10 minutes, most of us forget over 90 percent of our night visions.

To gain the most value from a dream, make a chart with two columns. Use the left-hand column to list all of the people, events, actions and objects in the dream, in the order in which they appeared. In the right-hand column, describe how it felt to be each of those people, events and objects. Each person, action, event and object represents a fascinating component of your consciousness.

Total honesty provides clarity and clues, so record both sensations and emotions. Example: Whether a wall seemed stable, empty, secure, or anchored is as important as whether a person felt joyful, angry, fearful, aggressive, shy or confident.

Read all of the adjectives you recorded, in the order in which each object or person or event appeared. Notice patterns and themes. Observe changes over time.

To gain more clarity, close your eyes and ask to receive a clue that will provide more inner guidance. Then make notes about your answers to the following questions:

1. How did you feel about each person, event, setting, object and feeling when you woke up?
2. How did you feel about each of these items during your dream?
3. What were the differences between your responses to #1 and #2 above?
4. What does this tell you?
5. How did your emotions change during the dream?
6. What do you think is the message or theme of your dream?
7. If you could change your dream, how would you do so?

Note: If you feel indecisive or incomplete about the clues you gain, close your eyes and imagine being in your dream again. One empowering choice is to use your imagination to re-do the outcome of a dream.

Since Albert Einstein often said, "Imagination is more powerful that reality," I also help clients discover how to use empowering questions to program future dreams. They discover how dream work can provide clarity about puzzling aspects of goal achievement. Of course, this is also a brilliant tool for you when you're wondering how to work with a challenging client or accomplish something in your own business or life.

 

Doris Helge, PhD, is an IAC-certified coach, mentor coach and President of the IAC-licensed training school, Confident Coach Connection. She teaches the IAC Masteries, Advanced Coaching Skills and "Confident Business Building." She created the New Coach Virtual Chapter of IAC and other mastermind groups that boost coaching confidence. http://ConfidentCoachConnection.com

 
 

IAC Member Benefit: IAC members save 10% on all Confident Coach Connection training programs including IAC Certification Preparation classes and Advanced Coaching and Business-Building classes. Log in now to claim this benefit.

Tools for Coaching Mastery

This column is provided by an IAC Coaching Masteries^®-Licensed School or Mentor.

Higher Being, Part Two: The Koshas
by Deborah Williamson

In the March/April 2011 VOICE, I introduced the concepts of human being and Higher Being as I use them in my signature style of Yoga Life Coaching™. This month, I'll share more about the foundation of this idea, which is harvested directly from what are known in the yogic world as the koshas, or layers of self. The koshas exist to expand our world and to help us connect to others around us.

Before we begin, let's quickly review the difference between human and Higher Being.

Higher Being is a state in which you and your clients have:

• NO misunderstandings
• NO limits
• Endless energy
• Abundant time/sense of timelessness

Human being is the exact opposite. It is the state of mind where the obstacles of time, money, poor resources and argumentative people lurk around every corner to prevent growth, possibility, accomplishment or forward motion.

Obviously, one state is more enjoyable than the other. And, surprisingly to some, the shift from human being to Higher Being can happen in an instant, without any change in circumstance, wealth, intelligence, talent or ability.

This is where the koshas come in. Koshas are like energetic sheaths that surround us; five layers that relate to enlightenment and the quest for the true self. While some believe that enlightenment is something that you must suffer and strive for over the course of many lifetimes, I believe that we get it in bits and pieces every day. The koshas are the map that leads us inward to who we truly are—unencumbered, beautiful, joyful and capable—and whether you know it or not, you already experience them on a daily basis.

See the diagram below. Each circle represents a sheath, or layer, on the way inward to Higher Being.
 

 
We are born into the physical world, which is the outermost layer (kosha). Our body awareness is the entry point to the process of reaching enlightenment. As we start to notice our bodies, we begin to feel and become aware of breath and sensation and emotions (the energetic realm). From here, we observe, search for and assign meaning, entering the mental realm. As we go deeper, we experience understanding and true knowing without judgment or extraneous thought, moving through insight (where we reflect) and bliss (where we know all we need to know) until we finally reach the still point at center, or THE SELF. The second we are at the center and have the conscious thought of, "Here I am! I did it! I am now enlightened," we are bounced right back out to the physical layer, and we begin again. In other words, the second we are thinking about something versus experiencing it, we are missing it.

In those moments at the very center of the circle at the layer of self, we have no wrong understanding, no limits; we have endless energy and endless time. We are not observing, thinking about or naming the external world. We see without assigning meaning, and we know all we need to know. Here's an example:

Let's say you're driving down a country road and notice a heifer munching on some juicy piece of pasture. What might happen next? You probably assign a name (meaning) to the object, and think that word ("cow"). You might even point at the cow and speak the word aloud: "There's a cow!"

When you're living from your Higher Being, on the other hand, you see the cow but you don't feel compelled to name it, know it or announce it. You just see it as it is without assigning meaning.

Why is this relevant to life coaching? Because both you and your clients will spend time assigning meaning to circumstances, objects and people. You are viewing these things through filters and they are colored by those filters. When you reach the center kosha at your true self, all filters are removed. You see without judgment and can choose from a place of endless possibility. Isn't this what you want for your clients? Clarity of vision? Possibilities? Confident knowing? I know I do.

THAT is the shift your clients can have. That is the shift YOU can have as you practice moving in towards that innermost layer of self. Each time we move inward, we get to stay a little longer. Because the truth is, you (and your clients) really do know all that you need to know. Even though we all bounce in and out of knowing, we have the answers, the ability and the talent; we have all that we need to accomplish and contribute powerfully. Recognizing that fact is the first step to real and tangible life shifts.

 

Yoga Life Coach™ and Master Teacher Deborah Williamson travels the world to teach, speak and coach with humor and deep humanity. Debbie's signature brand of Yoga Life Coaching™ evolved from over 20 years of coaching and wellness industry experience. Visit www.deborahwilliamson.com for upcoming Yoga Life Coach™ Certification Programs and more.